Every lunch is an interview
I’ve noticed something recently that I believe has been happening to me for several years. I have a bunch of friends who meet the following criteria:
They’re software engineers and/or working at a company trying to hire software engineers
They know I’m currently a software engineer at a prestigious company (I bet you know their name)
We don’t talk a ton but we always make an effort to meet up if they’re in my town or I’m visiting theirs
Every time we get together for coffee/lunch/dinner/whatever, we talk about the usual personal stuff. “How’s it going?” “How’s <current city of residence>?” “How’s <current employer>?” “How is <signficant other> doing?” “How was your trip to <cool place>?”
Sooner or later, the conversation moves on to work and we both start sharing all of the wonderful things happening at work. We definitely talk about legitimately good things once in a while but we tend to spend most of our time griping about our problems.
It’s around this point where I get the vibe:
We’d like you to work at our company.
Some of my friends are subtle and tactful while others blurt it out directly. If they work at a big company, they might mention that they can put in a referral for me. If they work at a small company, they may offer to hire me on the spot.
And to be clear, this happens all the time. I actually can’t remember the last time I had a social visit with one of my software-engineer-adjacent friends and I didn’t get the “we’d like to hire you” vibe.
I’m not realy sure what I think of this. On one hand, it’s nice to be wanted and I’ve never gotten the impression that anyone was remotely offended when I didn’t take a whole lot of interest in their offer. On the other hand, is it polite to try poaching every software engineer you break bread with? And to be fair, I’ve definitely noticed myself extending the same “happy to give you a referral” line to many of them in return.